‘Just talk it out’: Newlyweds Juvaria Abbasi and Adeel Haider share some wise marriage advice

Actor Juvaria Abbasi, who recently revealed that she remarried after divorcing her first husband in 2009, appeared on Fuchsia Magazine’s podcast Gup Shup alongside her new husband Adeel Haider to talk about her new journey.

The couple disclosed that they were hindered by thoughts of what people would say and existing family dynamics, with Juvaria adding that she was worried about her daughter’s — singer Anzela Abbasi — wedding and did not want to create hurdles. However, in the beginning of Ramazan, the couple decided to have their nikkah ceremony on a Friday.

“[Prior to the nikkah] I cried because when you find true love after a long time, you can’t accept it mentally. It was too good to be true, like a Cinderella story,” she said, adding that society constantly tried to suppress women of a certain age.

The actor went on to share that when her daughter was getting married, people would only speak about Anzela’s happiness and Juvaria’s own happiness was sidelined. “She’s my daughter, I’m very happy but there’s also me.”

Juvaria stated that when she remarried, people would comment on her age, saying that now was the time she should worship God, instead she remarried. She added that constantly being told that she was ageing and having nothing to look forward to was depressing and made her lose hope.

“I think after Anzela’s marriage, I completed my responsibilities [towards her] and it was my time, but unfortunately in our society when you’re above 40, you’re told you have no life and that you should sit in bed and crochet.”

Haider said that second marriage as a man was not any easier because they face other kinds of backlash, including the impact on their first wife and children. He acknowledged, however, that such situations were more difficult for women.

“But, if at any age, you think this is the kind of partner I want to spend my life with, then why not? What’s wrong with that? You should fulfill your responsibilities but everyone is an individual who has the right to spend their life how they want,” he said, adding that he and Juvaria were initially friends for two years and that he wasn’t actively looking for a second wife but their connection was “beautiful”.

Juvaria explained that the couple’s main concerns were society, their children and their families and elders. She said Haider had “very cute” parents who were now hers too because her biological parents had passed away. “They accepted me with open arms and still love me a lot. It’s very nice.”

The actor emphasised that a nikkah was a very good thing because it legalised a relationship and the couple then fulfilled it beautifully. She said no intelligent family would ever object to such a thing, adding that most comments on her marriage announcement were positive, with women telling her she gave them hope.

“A lot of women gave us hope too. Like Samina [Ahmad] appa and Bushra Ansari who remarried at a much later age than me and are very happy. I saw them and thought it was no problem [to remarry].” Juvaria said that her elders set examples, which is why they could become an example for others and she hopes the younger generation would learn from them.

“We see that people’s spouses die but children are against their parents remarrying or hold grudges their entire lives. This is wrong. They are humans with needs and emotional traumas. People get married and live their own lives while their poor mother is living by herself, it’s very sad,” the actor said. She added that when Islam, the Holy Quran and the Constitution of Pakistan allowed remarriage, then people should let others live.

Juvaria said that children today had a lot of emotions, however, if they empathised with and understood that the other person had similar needs, emotions, traumas, and rights, then things would improve.

“You think your mom is your property but she needs someone to spend her life with. Parents and children both need to be understanding.”

Haider added that everyone should respect peoples’ individualities and differences and give them space for their emotions and rights.

“Being together is love [for us],” Juvaria said, advising people to pay proper attention to their partners and be patient. She said that if she and Haider ever had tiffs, they would laugh it off.

She explained that if something ever happened between them, she would immediately sit down and clear things up, and if it was indeed one of their faults, they would not apologise but rather say I love you and move on.

“We don’t argue, we talk it out. Marriage is not slavery, why do you have to apologise? This should be ended in relationships. You have to spend your lives together and you’re human, you will make mistakes. Talk it out,” she said.

Haider added that though the advice sounded too good to be true, that is how his relationship with Juvaria is.

We think these newlyweds have dropped some serious pearls of wisdom, and all couples — young and old — should definitely hear out what they had to say.